THE COUNSELLING CENTRE MAYNOOTH

Conselling and Psychotherapy Services  - For all your Counselling needs

Blog

Working With Negative Feelings

Posted on 10 May, 2015 at 5:45


 

Have you ever felt a very strong negative emotion and felt really lost or overwhelmed? A negative feeling so powerful that your thoughts and emotions are totally consumed by this awful situation, event, feeling?

How do you respond to negative feelings?

Do you collapse in on yourself?

Or talk about them?

Do you take them out on others?

Or try to ignore them and hope they go away?

If another person is involved in your negative feelings, partner, friend, family member?

Are you aware of your unique way of responding to negative feelings?

Does this work for you?

If you are in a negative spiral, or vortex, you are directly responding from your hurt/anger/injustice/powerlessness. When you attend to your negative feelings from this place, it is very difficult to improve the feeling, event situation. As you continue to focus on the feeling, movement is stagnated.

What to do to improve this feeling?

The big question is WHAT IS YOUR INTENTION?

Do you wish to express how you are feeling and be heard, but hold on to the hurt/injustice/anger? Do you continually have a meltdown about the same thing, each time feeling as bad as the last time you visited this place or feeling? This will feel good while you are expressing how you feel but it will also keep you in this place of darkness and gloom?

Do you want to express it and talk about it and try to fully explain or express how awful this is, in order to figure out a way out of this place? When someone fully hears the point you are making. When they have an understanding as to why you are so upset about this, when you are validated, you are able to release some of the negative feelings, reducing down the hold this situation, event, feeling has on you.

Emotions are fluid, emotions have a beginning and an end, chronic pain is often an indicator of emotions trapped in the body trapped in a negative cycle. In order to reduce this negative emotion permanently in order to free yourself from the cycle that is reappearing time and time again, one must only allow the feeling out if the intention is to release it and let it go, not trap this inside holding on to every detail not willing to let any part of it move on. Feelings move and flow, is there a positive intention when visiting painful places? Or is the purpose to feed the negative so that it stays with you eating you up inside? If you are feeding the negative with no way of releasing it is about stepping out of that place and refocusing. It is a dead end there is no way through unless you have a positive purpose, revisiting to let go, to release to be free from this awfulness and step into the light. An example of this is when a couple fight, there are some times that people get trapped about who is right and that is the intention, this couple get lost in a cycle of negativity, whereas if a couple have a disagreement and the intention is to listen to the other and work on a way of working out a solution, even if it gets heated, as long as the intention is remembered there is usually a good outcome to this situation. The intention is an indicator of the outcome.

If you are in a bad situation, a toxic work environment or relationship?

What is your intention? You may be caught up in the situation, not able to see past what your life would be like without this situation. Your intention may be to be happy and feel good about yourself and your life. Is it possible to get these needs met in this situation? By focusing on the intention of bringing what you want in your life, you can start to go towards what you want. This may take you to another job, or out of this relationship. Or maybe as you focus on what the intention is, what you want the outcome to be, to feel happy and good about yourself and your life, you create boundaries in your work and personal environment that meet your needs.

As you change the way communication takes place, as you change what you do when you are in a negative feeling, by focusing on the intention, you can improve your mood.